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Overheard On Long Island

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Movie Theater [13 Nov 2007|12:25pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Happened during my shift at the local theater in Southampton.

Man: 2 Tickets for Saw 4.
Woman: (Whine) Ohh, I want to go see Fred Claus...
Employee: Thats $10.
Man: No, we are seeing Saw 4. (Hands money over)
Woman: Come on! Why can't we see Fred Claus?
Employee: Here's your change. Enjoy.
Woman: (Man takes change) You have such a stick up your ass!
Woman: (They walk a few feet away, woman gets louder) Come on! If we go see it I'll give you a blow job!

That totally made my night.

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[16 Dec 2006|03:12pm]

Thug 1: Yo, King Kullen is mad fucked
Thug 2: Fuck you man, dey got pre-peeled corn n' shit! Stop and Shop aint got no motherfuckin' pre-peeled corn
Thug 1: I guess you right, I thought I saw that shit over by them limes n' shit
Thug 2: Shut up nigga, that's Pathmark!

- King Kullen, Bellmore


Girl on cell phone: I didn't refuse, I just said no!

- Old Mill Nursery, Bellmore
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[01 Jul 2006|12:30am]

What a wonderful parent.

Mother: Thomas, what did mommy say when you and Brandon hug like that?
Little kid: We look gay, mom.
Mother: And dont you forget it

King Kullen, Bellmore
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[07 May 2006|12:19pm]

Homeless Guy: Ivory motherfuckers! And I ain't talkin' about the soap! But I will for a small fee. Hear me talk about soap for $2!

LIRR Station, Valley Stream
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[11 Feb 2006|03:50pm]

Deli Guy: So my wife's birthday is coming up on Saturday. I planned a trip Upstate, you know, 3 days just to get away as a present. I tell her last night to start packing because I had a big suprise for her. Immediatley she starts screaming at me 'What!? What!? Where are you taking me!? I'm not going! You can't make me go! Where are you taking me!?'. Bitch is crazy.

King Kullen, Bellmore
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[11 Feb 2006|03:42pm]

Woman #1: .. But they had to have a reason to kick you out!
Woman #2: No! I mentioned that I thought Austria was just short for Australia. They somehow took that as a perfectly good excuse to make me leave.

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Internet speak doesn't belong in real life, sorry. [23 Dec 2005|10:41pm]

Teenage girl: Do you like know where the chocolate shells are?
Employee: For ice cream?
Teenage girl: Umm yeah I guess its like.. a like.. chocolate shell
Employee: Probably at the end of the frozen aisle
Teenage girl: OH-EM-GEE I like can't believe I passed it like twice!

As teenage girl walks away...
Employee: I can

- King Kullen, Bellmore
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[05 Dec 2005|10:22pm]

Lady: Babe, move the cart there's people trying to walk by!
Man: Don't talk to me in that tone of voice, you're embarrasing me in front of my friends.
Lady: What friends!?
Man: Excuse me, sir, what's your name?
Mark: Mark.
Man: My new friend Mark here doesnt like you talking to me like that.
Lady: Oh, please! Go wait in the car, you're being a moron
Man: ... And she wonders why I drink.

King Kullen, Bellmore
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[26 Nov 2005|03:02am]

Lady on cell: Mom... mom... MOM! Turn off psychotic bitch mode for two seconds while I find Oreos.

King Kullen, Bellmore
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[18 Nov 2005|02:52pm]

Man #1: Hey, do you have the time?
Man #2 stares at his watch for 5 seconds and says: Dude, I have no idea.

He then shows Man #1 his watch so he can determine the time himself.

LIRR Station, Bellmore
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This dude made my night [15 Nov 2005|11:08pm]

Dude: Hey man, how's your vibe tonight?
Cashier: Hey
Dude: Hey man, I said how's your vibe, man? You're in New York, man!
Cashier: Not too bad, how about yourself?
Dude: I'm living the American dream, man. This is my first week in New York, man. I gots the chills down my spine, you dig?
Dude: Haha, yeah. Where are you originally form?
Dude: California. Been there all my life, I just aint feelin' it anymore you hear me babe?
Cashier: Sure. Take care of yourself
Dude: Aw man, that's great. You New Yorkers, man, great vibe, great vibe. I LOVE THIS PLACE, BABY! Peace!
Cashier: Later

King Kullen, Bellmore
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[07 Nov 2005|09:50pm]

Cashier: That will be $19.71
Old Hippie: 1971? Wooaaahh!! I was still in Vietnam back then!
Cashier: Really? Wow. Here's your change, have a good night.
Old Hippie: Good night? BOOM!! BOOM!! AAAHHH!! Haha.. Yeah, I teach you a thing or two about a good night in Vietnam. Next time though, my wife is in the car.

King Kullen, Bellmore.
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[27 Oct 2005|11:02am]

From my idiotic co-worker: "stop buying my daughter stuff--you make me look like an idiot--I don't buy her nothin'!"

And there were two guys at the Wal-Mart in Islandia spouting some pretty offensive stuff. Let's just say when I walked in, they were debating what to do with my nipples. They were either high or drunk. Commenting on every woman that walked in there. I had to laugh though when the one really racy dude was commenting on an oral sex experience he had two nights ago...one of the women in line could not back up further away from him. She amused me. But yeah, that was a seriously bad case of overheard-on-Long-Island.

Current Mood: bored
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[23 Oct 2005|07:24pm]

Kid #1: I'm so sick of hanging with you 5th graders.
Kid #2: You're in 5th grade too, retard!
Kid #1: No i'm not, i'm in 6th, stop embarrassing me!

Bellmore Playhouse, Bellmore.
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[10 Oct 2005|10:28am]

Co-worker (on phone): "That's why I got child support out my ass--too quick to shoot the gun".

--Computer Associates, Islandia
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[06 Oct 2005|11:59am]

Mother: You're not the boss of me!

Wal-Mart, Islandia
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[06 Oct 2005|11:55am]

Work Asshole #1: I was just playin' with my little guy.
Work Asshole #2: Oh, were ya?
Work Asshole #1: Yeah.
Work Asshole #2: Nice.
Work Asshole #1: Yeah, he was like, shooting stuff...

And no one else thought this was odd but me.

Computer Associates, Islandia

Current Mood: disgusted
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[07 Jul 2005|08:47pm]

Old Man: "He took one of my model cars and smashed it against the wall, burst up into 1,000 pieces! So I took my bow and arrow and got 'em right in his eye. Mother wasn't having it, so I joined the Army."

Jackson Hole Diner, Bayside.
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[26 Jun 2005|10:17pm]

Guy on cell: I'd totally poop on anything she wanted me to... *pause* .. As long as I have enough shit.

Best Buy, Westbury
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[21 May 2005|10:06pm]

Disheveled Looking Man: I'm taking everybody to White Castle! My treat! Chicken rings for everyody!
Employee: Sir, once again we're going to have to ask you to leave. Next time we're calling the police
Other Employee: I wonder if he's serious...

Starbucks, Lynbrook
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